Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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