I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
