I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
