I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
