Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
