I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
did i walk over a car last night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
