I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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