yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
