I cut my penus on the lid.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
