I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
