i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
