Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
