she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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