You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
