i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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