theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have tasted many bathrooms
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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