I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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