I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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