whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
