Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
