The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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