I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
