so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
