Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
