And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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