So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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