What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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