he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
