I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
