somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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