Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
