i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
