Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
