she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How naked do you want me to be?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize