Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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