You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
