Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
