i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
