you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
