Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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