the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
