'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
