He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
