ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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