3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
