Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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