chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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