the new term for farting is butt boxing.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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