There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
