On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
