Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
