I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
