the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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