I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
