Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
