It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
