I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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