so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
