How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
