Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
