She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
