Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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