I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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