I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
