my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
