thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
