I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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