My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did I show you my penis last night?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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