I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
