I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
