Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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