Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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